Sunday, September 8, 2013

The Secret on Learning to Let Go

by: Debbi Dickinson

Letting Go is a process.  Letting Go means to stop giving attention to particular person or past experience and to focus on the here and now.  We hold on to the past because of our emotions.  It may be painful or joyful memories.  When we hang on to the past, we are clouding our view of the present.
And we all do it!
As women, we hang onto the past because we are wired to tie our emotions around each experience in our lives.  The experiences are very personal and intense.  I’m not suggesting it’s not that same way for men; but as women we have a tendency to have more of an emotional grip on experiences.
What confuses some women about Letting Go is that we need to forget or worse to ignore the past.  That is not true.  We need to be able to look at our past; but we do not need to stare at the past while the present goes on by.  Letting Go means that the past does not own us.
I had mentioned earlier that Letting Go is a process.  It is an emotional process that may be of healing from past hurts, learning from past mistakes or coming to acceptance of the past.  But Letting Go may also mean that one is scared to face the present.  This sometimes can be seen in women who invest themselves fully in the raising of their children so much that they lose the essence of who they are as a woman.  As the children grow up, they still hang on to their children with the lens of the past because their identity is wrapped around being Mom versus themselves.   The same can be said of women and men who work excessive hours and don’t have much of a personal life.  They are defined by theirjob.
Letting Go is a growing experience.  If I continue to resist letting go; I am not fully living in the present.  For me, not letting go of a negative experience has me mentally hitting the rewind button on an event continuously.  I may be regretting an action or something I said or wishing I had spoken up when I was silent.  Letting Go is asking myself what lesson can be learned from my experience and embrace the lesson.
Once my lesson has been embraced; I need to consciously stop myself from hitting the rewind button on the event.  Because then I am just beating myself up instead of moving on.  I will be the first one to say; it can be tough to stop beating myself up mentally.  But one truth about Letting Go keeps me from hitting the rewind button.

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